At this moment, I am most grateful to my father-he listened to me patiently, but in the end, he surprised me.
Don’t accept this position. He said it wasn’t suitable for you. I took the opportunity to think about it when you talked about friends who were seeking positions in the surgical circle.
At the moment, he told me that he regretted his hasty response at that time, saying that I described the invitation to him with a bit of flattery, and he could understand that I was attracted to it later, but he then added that my thoughts were more like those of other children after I thought it over.
In a sense, this position will kill you. You really accept it. I don’t think you can really live a peaceful life.
My father said that after our previous conversation, he began to worry about my possible return to surgery. Besides, he also said that I would like to talk to her about these things, and then I would find that my mother agreed with him.
We don’t think you need to pursue comfort. We think you will live well in the next few years.
Even though Mr. Reagan was still in charge of the White House, he went on to say that many people would certainly oppose his superficial and despicable policies. When he was elected president, every decent and conscientious person in America was still alive.
Moreover, he said that no matter what my assistant said, he believed that there must be many chambers of commerce interested in my plan.
I am also very sure that you will find that your reading is still there, maybe it is scattered now, maybe they have become very silent, maybe because they are hidden in some cracks, but I believe they are still there.
He got up from his chair. He came to sit at his desk, but now he crossed the room and brought an ashtray from the sideboard in the dining area. I think I should ask my father to smoke a pipe. There is a cigarette case humidifier with a leather case next to the sideboard. He packed his pipe and lit it.
Your description of this good position is likely to prevent you from giving up the Rhodes prize. Something was already living in this life when you left Oxford. You know I was very dissatisfied with you at that time. I almost wanted to fly over and drag you back to school at once, but your mother stopped me. I thought you didn’t know what you were doing, or even if you knew, I didn’t think you could bear the knot, but I was wrong.
He smoked his pipe in front of a window and stared at the skyline of the big city on the other side of the river in Cambridge. His expensive mixed tobacco was billowing with smoke. At this moment, the smoke was rising constantly, which had enveloped him. He paused for a moment and then said, I don’t think I have ever told you so much about this matter, but I am very glad that you have decided to take so many risks today. I don’t want to see you step back. I hope you can move on.
When I was putting on my coat by the door, he said to me in that dignified voice that you will be fine, and then he patted me on the shoulder. By the way, replace that assistant. He doesn’t sound like your friend.
I followed his advice. A few weeks later, I called a better and more respectable agent. Since then, this person named Lynn Spett has been my agent. A month later, she and I were thinking of sending a contract there, which should attract a large number of readers after 1985. I think this should help high school people pay attention to those who have low education or can’t read because they have no education. In addition, it should also bring me the benefits of living for two years. After that, I feel at ease again and continue to write more important materials for me, of course, the children’s school life.
Less than seven years after my father gave me that advice, he forgot things in the conversation and couldn’t remember the name of the person or place he tried to describe. Soon after, his sense of trust also weakened when he made a decision for my mother.
Since then, our balance of power has changed. He occasionally asks me for advice. When writing articles, even if he shows me something, he is still very sophisticated. I think some of them are very innovative, but if he feels that he is undecided somewhere, he will still look to me for assurance. Like other descendants in his later years, he often doesn’t want to simply reconstruct the arguments he has written or the conclusions he has drawn in the past. Some of his articles undoubtedly reflect his ideological progress and he is brave enough to say some of the most provocative new ideas he has written.
One of the most striking points of these articles is to try to improve those roles he accepted from the perspective of ethics in his early years and to comment on them from the perspective of a psychiatrist. In an article with different opinions, he did distinguish between pathological behavior or non-destructive behavior. He said that it would lead to injustice and then resist behavior. He noticed that repression and anger in ancient times were regarded as a kind of behavior, and even if it broke out because of other choices, it would be tolerable and welcome.
The article goes on to say that in the United States or other places, although the protesters may be regarded as dangerous by some institutions, he will not equate the crime of dangerous crimes with the contemporary persuasion mode to those who are sympathetic and compassionate to each other. In essence, his actions are all personal, and his father is always full of respect. On the contrary, his motivation is a source of self-interest, personality disorder, morbid anger and motivation to act. Reading this article, I really feel deeply when I see him talking about it emotionally. For me, this article is not a denial of his early beliefs, but a bold revision.
About a week after he showed me the article, my father sent me a photocopy, which was an article written by an Italian philosopher in the 18th century, and a comment on Voltaire’s crime and punishment. This is an article he found in the famous Courtyard Museum in the hospital. He often stayed in it for hours when he tried to conceive what he had written. He said that although he was thinking about something with him, he thought I might be interested in one of the paragraphs.
The most reliable way to prevent crime in the end is to improve the education system, but this is a goal. If I boldly announce that this is a close goal of the government, my father said, I think you might want to quote this sentence in one of your lectures. He circled that sentence and will keep it blank. Our pleasant interaction will continue for some time.
However, the next year, I was forced to find that my father showed a strong sense of unease. For example, some insignificant help from me would make him grateful. I tried my best to adjust his mother’s growing nervousness and help him with all kinds of notes and articles. I found that his desk was piled with many unfinished articles, so I suggested that he classify them by subject so that he wouldn’t feel at a loss if he continued writing the next morning.
Dear Jonathan, soon after, he wrote back. Your arrival has helped me more than you expected. Your guidance refers to my suggestion to mediate his quarrel with my mother. It’s really good. I have re-planned the work area in different categories and collected the clutter that caught your attention at my desk. Now I am really encouraged by your encouragement to really pick up things and have made great progress. I will definitely keep going and keep reporting to you.
However, the feeling of encouragement is obviously still fragile. In 1991, Qiu Ren invited him to attend a meeting called for the terrorist activities that broke out in Rome in the first week of January, but his deteriorating memory made him indecisive and difficult to make a final decision for weeks.
Anxiety is terrible, he wrote in a letter to me in January
Today, I just found this short letter, but he put twice as many stamps on the envelope, and my address is bold and capital letters, and the street name and zip code are thick, and the black marker is underlined.
From this letter, it can be seen that this invitation to him has obviously thrown him into confusion. I suspect that he knows that many European colleagues will also attend the meeting. As soon as I read his letter, I dialed the phone and asked him if he could copy the speech for me. When I heard him say that if we could sit down and read it through together, it might inspire him, I immediately drove straight to Boston. When I arrived, he had already prepared the speech.
The speech mainly analyzes the personality characteristics of a person from the field of mental illness. This person is prepared to put himself or others’ lives in danger by participating in a series of hijacking violence to achieve a certain political intention.
Anti-social violence often involves a distinguishing feature that will blur the boundaries of aggression and victimization of others.
He speculated that this kind of aggression in the line seemed to be a ghostly trait of self-sacrifice, and then he elaborated on this trait of self-sacrifice by assuming that this situation might sometimes bring some kind of self-proclaimed or divine dimension
Like the article he showed me before, he once again distinguished this kind of behavior, some violent behaviors. From some angles, these violent behaviors may be regarded as stressful situations, and human beings will react sexually. At the same time, he clearly stated that this is not a terrorist activity. He admitted a subtle fact that terrorist behaviors cannot always be regarded as sick behaviors. For example, he cited the American slave rebellion as an example. Although this view is almost always met with angry protests, historians often regard it as brave and heroic behaviors.
After reading the speech, I immediately told my father that I thought it was excellent. I said that even if it was ghostly, I would sacrifice my characteristics, and those churches in Rome would certainly be very interested. At his request, I marked some repetitions, added some transitional words in three or four places and suggested that he rearrange some paragraphs.
Six weeks later, his mother flew to Italy to attend the meeting. I think even if he still remembers mistakes and struggles from time to time, he should be able to cope without trace or cover up the past as usual. I expect that he made some comments after the speech and the reaction of other meetings gave him the satisfaction he expected.
After the meeting, his mother extended the trip. On their last trip together, they played all the way from Florence to assisi, and then celebrated their mother’s birthday. On the 5th of the month, their mother’s 88th birthday was celebrated. They also specially went to Venice, and their father, a colleague who came to Toronto, met a young Italian doctor in Rome and spent several days together.
In the Gri Palace, they stayed in a hotel in Venice, and their father wrote a tender love letter to their mother on the stationery. I think the extra few weeks they stayed in Italy was my father’s old age and he tried to make up for their many years of marriage.
I want you to know that I have always loved you deeply and appreciate your patience with me. When others are frustrated with me, you agree that I want to be a doctor and I am eager for you to guide my heart. I am really grateful for so many years.
However, even when they were in Venice, my father was always elegant and witty when he was a stranger’s friend, but it seemed to attract the attention of a charming lady next door at a dinner party. I think that lady must have been broken by him, and my mother seemed to think that although she was interested in him, he was too attentive to her response.
When Harry came home at your age, she gave him a letter. They often left each other letters in the kitchen and leaned the written letter in the coffee pot, saying that such a woman should be ashamed.
Mother used an outdated word to describe that lady as a slut. Fortunately, that was the end of the matter, but my father apologized to her and said that he was sorry to hurt her feelings.
Six months after they returned to Boston, my father dragged me to sit in the conversation he had recorded on a tape recorder. In that conversation, he described to me the possible causes of the experience that he had just suffered from sensory thinking being cut off, that is, consciousness being disturbed. It was another 18 months before he was treated by his former student and finally diagnosed with the disease.
Two years later, his attending doctor also wrote to his lawyer with his close friends for more than three years. Harry has lost his mental ability because of his old age. 7 In June that year, his father was admitted to a nursing home after the accident. Our father’s balance also tilted. His ability, judgment and prestige helped me through some of the most unstable periods in my career, but in the next few years, it became my own ability and judgment to protect him. Today I have basically completed it.
From then on, I will try my best to get rid of the early differences or our father’s nervousness a long time ago. On the contrary, I will focus on the best memories. I find that I will think of those mornings spent in Lake Maine with satisfaction, and I will think of those times when fish bit the hook when I saw ripples on the lake. I will also think of him taking me to see a patient in a hurry. That night, I will hit his medical bag again and hold the tuning fork or the bundle of wooden throat sticks in my hand. I will also think of perhaps the happiest memory of him holding me in the hospital bed. And hung a stethoscope around my neck to make me pretend that he was the chief helper of my father, so that my father was proud and grateful. Besides, his love that hurt his mother may not be perfect, but he never stopped. Although it made me hate at first, I was grateful after all. All these things were my intention to protect my memory firmly.
I leaned over my father’s bed and put my ear to his chest to listen to his last breath before he died. It’s almost seven years since that night, but even now I feel that I can remember him. I just look back on his turbulent and complicated life, and after the memory is over, my mind is still full of past memories.
The feeling that we were still on the road the day my father was buried didn’t disappear immediately. For people, a seven-year experience in the same industry is not too short. It’s cold in November. Every time I get lost in thought and worry about some problems at work or personal mistakes, I will take a walk around my home. At this moment, I imagine that he is still leaning on that old crutch to accompany me and make some interesting comments on the unexpected entanglement in other people’s lives.